Candid Chaos

I do not want to talk to you

                Even though I need to

I do not want to face our past

                Even though I will have to

I do not want to bridge the gap between us

                Even though it will be me to do so

It is just easier to ignore you

                Even though I do not want to

I pretend as if you never existed

                Even though you do

Act as if my life never had you in it

                Even though it did

You have made it so easy to forget

                Even though I never will

You made me feel like you never cared

                Even though you did

You have found a way to live without me

                Even though I am here

I know I can do the same

                Even though I don’t have to

It seems better this way

                Even though it’s not

They are around me

Everywhere I go

Eyes watching my every move

Abhorrence glares from their eyes at me

Spitefully catty interactions

I cannot please them all

I will not even attempt

Never apologizing for my actions

Doesn’t matter with inconsequential proletariats

Believe what you may

They have plenty to say

Spoken words are not lies

I cannot deny

I can only confirm

My life is mine

It is far from perfect

But what I chose it to be

I will never feel shame

I will not cast blame

My head is held high

Apparently, I am failing in my new venture to be nice.  I have had some complaints on me at work to my manager.  She called me into her office and advised that I should watch what I say around the office because I can easily offend people.  I informed her that it is my mission to offend people and my co-workers should stop being so damn sensitive.  I just cannot be nice.  I have tried, but stupid people drive me insane.  I think it is safe to say I am over my job and I am ready for my new adventure.  Maybe the change of scenery will inspire a new positive attitude.  Then again, probably not, I think I am destined to be a loud, obnoxiously rude woman who only a few people will ever love and appreciate my brutal honesty!

Reckless hearts feel the sting of three words said.

Taunting minds replay the phrase that is misled.

Reminiscing thoughts torture these souls.

Time and distance will never console.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Although I don’t know what I thought it would be like.

Now I am at a loss, feeling empty and shameful.

Raging thoughts are driving me insane.

Tired of being played by my emotions.

************************************************************

I hate.

I hate you.

I hate your smile.  It hides your lies.

I hate your eyes. They don’t look at me.

I hate your hands. They won’t touch me.

I hate your arms.  They don’t hold me.

I hate your body.  It’s not next to me.

I hate your mind.  It never thinks of me.

I hate your heart.  It will never love me.

*****************************************************

Please let me go.

I want to be free.

Release me from the hold you have on me.

*******************************************************

Temporarily I lost all control

Caught up in his scent

Tangled in his touch

Nothing else mattered

My veins pulsate

My face flushed

Desire filled my body

***********************************************************

Nights were lonely

Cold, dark and bitter

Arms were empty

Longing for something better

I was searching for something to ease the pain

Losing myself in delusions

I’ve been writing and I have several incomplete works lately.  I think I may post them only because I have feeling that I’ll never finish them.  They are dark and disconcerting.  They are words of the past.  I’m ready to start anew.  The blank pages will give me a fresh start!

Pain is excruciating.

Coldness is numbing.

Silence is brutal.

Time is spiteful.

Distance is agony.

Isolation is merciless.

Indifference is detrimental……